The MatchMaker Bandits - The Great Museum Robbery


The Great Museum Robbery

By Maximillian Excaliber




This was the first Matchmaker Bandits story written. By the time you finish reading this, you may be asking yourself where I came up with the idea for it.   The simple plain truth is that I get a lot of my ideas while I’m laying awake at night trying to go to sleep.   Believe it or not, this particular one happens to be a result of quite a few sleepless hours of contemplation.  


When I first started writing it, I had no intention whatsoever of beginning a series.   The responses I received from readers to the Bandits arrival took me somewhat by surprise, so, I decided to see if I give the readers another Matchmaker Bandits adventure without being repetative.   It was easier than I thought and thus was born a series.


Those of you who have never read this series will find this story short on plot.   But then, maybe that’s why its called a short story?


Whether you’re reading this for the first time or rereading it, I hope you it as much as I did writing it.


Chapter One - “A Night At The Museum”


It was about 2:30 in the morning on a Friday of the second week of September and unseasonably warm outside.  


The fact that it was 78 degrees outside made me glad that my job did not require me to work outdoors.


The company I worked for had received the contract to upgrade the network of the Museum of Arts and Sciences.   As the following morning the museum was to open for a new exhibit of rare Egyptian artifacts, we had been given one night to complete the job .  


I had worked with Joni for about three months and we had already developed the comfortableness with each other that new friends start to have.  


As the client was not going to be present while we were working, we had both decided to be comfortable and dress casually.  


Besides being both very competent and a hard worker, Joni was quite attractive.

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    She has short curly red hair, nice firm breasts and the sexiest pouting lips.  


I had always made it a point as a professional not to allow myself to be distracted by such things while on the job but this time was to be the exception.


I found It was becoming increasingly more difficult to concentrate as Joni had showed up to work that night wearing a cute white blouse, with frills on both collar and sleeves, and a neckline cut just low enough to show enough of her ample bosom to keep me distracted.   To make things worse, she was also wearing a somewhat provocative pair of tight red shorts that perfectly accented her curly red hair.


She was busy wiping each workstation and installing the new Operating System on them while I was working on the last stages of the upgrade of the second of three servers.  


She turned to me and said, "Jim, I'm going out to the van and get my utility disk.   This damn thing has a boot sector virus on it!  I'll be back in a second. " 


As she headed toward the exit I called to her, "Hey, while you're out there, can you see if there is any change still lying around?  I'm dying for some caffeine and sugar. "


"Sure, need anything else?" She asked.  


"Nope, just the caffeine fix; thanks".   Unfortunately, a caffeine fix was not the first answer that came to my mind when she asked that last question.


She had been gone a little longer than I expected and I was busy banging away at the keyboard when I heard her voice calling me, "Jim. " 


"Just a second; I am almost done. " I said without looking up from the computer screen.  


"JIM!" she said louder with urgency in her voice.

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When I looked over at her I instantly realized why she was so insistent about getting my attention.   Standing behind her were a man and a woman dressed in what appeared to be security guard's uniforms; both were wearing one of those cheap plastic Lone Ranger masks you buy for Halloween. The man was holding Joni's arm behind her back and an old style . 38 police special to her head.   The woman was pointing a similar weapon directly at me.   "They're robbing the museum, Jim!" Joni said with fear in her voice.


"Keep your mouths shut.   Do as you are told and don't give us any trouble and you wont get hurt. "  The female robber said to us.   "Don't" she continued, "and the cops will be creating their own artwork on the floor with chalk!  Get the picture?"


Chapter Two - “Boxed And Ready To Go”


While the woman held her weapon on Joni, her companion took me to a storage room located near the museum's loading dock.   I was forced to help him uncreate, then cover with padding several large paintings that the museum's personnel had apparently prepared for shipping and subsequent pickup.


The man handed me a 1 and a half-inch drill bit the likes of which you might use to install a doorknob.   He then pointed to one of the cordless drills which, I can only assume was used by the museum staff to seal crates, and told me to drill several holes in one that was unused and its accompanying lid.   Both crate and top were insulated with thick plastic covered padding; and the crate, except for some packing blankets, was empty.


I started to worry when it occurred to me that the crate was just large enough for two people.

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    I considered trying to jump him but realized that Joni was surely dead if I failed, and possibly even if I did not.   I was pretty sure that if I had a firearm this guy would have been toast; I had learned a few things playing first person shooters.   Unarmed, well I didn't like the odds.   After all, I'm a computer geek not Walker, Texas Ranger!  I decided not to risk it.


We then used a small forklift to load a crate and lid onto the truck.   After that, we went back into the area in which I had been working and I was happy to see that Joni was still safe.


We all headed to the truck where they told us to get into the back.  


When we got there, the male robber told us to get into the crate.  


It was then that his companion said, "Wait, I have a better idea.   Strip!" and got a wicked smile on her face.  


I looked at Joni; she looked at me; and while we both just stood there in shock, the woman said while pointing her weapon at Joni, "Now!  We haven't got all night!"  We started to strip and both stopped when we were down to our underwear.   The woman looked at us and said, "I said strip; all of it!" 


I closed my eyes as I pulled my tee-shirt over my head and I opened them just in time to see Joni's firm breast spring free of her bra.



We both looked at each other in embarrassment for a second but it didn't last long because the female robber did not give us time to think about it.


Impatiently she said, "Hurry up, now the rest of it, or do you want us to do it for you?" 


At that we each let the last stitch of clothing protecting our modesty fall away.  


Her male companion whistled when he saw the now fully nude Joni.

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    Even as she tried to look away from me, I couldn't help but notice that Joni was a true red head.


The female robber said to me, "Not bad for a computer nerd. " 


She then pointed to the empty crate and said, "Take out those blankets and get in. "


I removed the blankets from the crate and started to get in face first so that I could lay on my stomach but she stopped me and said, "No! Not that way; lay on your back. " 


Having no choice, I turned over and lay back into the crate.


She turned to Joni and said, "Now it’s your turn Sweety, get in; and just so there's no confusion, face first!" 


Joni walked toward the case looking even more embarrassed than before and climbed on top of me with her legs straddling me on both sides.   She tried to keep her pelvis from touching mine by keeping her weight on her knees.  


Then the female robber took the bundle of blankets I had removed from the crate and shoved them behind Joni's ass as though she were packing us for shipping.   She took the flash light from her belt and turned it on.   Then, she pointed her weapon at Joni's breast and pushed her into a sitting position.  


She then bent down very close to me and said, "It seems an awful shame for you not to be able to enjoy the view. " and then she looked at Joni.


Turning back to me she placed the flash light under my neck and said, "Here's a little light for you. "


"Bitch!  I'll bet your getting a kick out of this!" Joni said to her in anger.


Obviously vexed, the female felon simply put her head down and French kissed me for several seconds.

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I really wish she hadn't done that because the combination of her warm tongue in my mouth and Joni sitting on me started the flow of blood to my till then dormant penis.   


After she pulled her mouth from mine she said to me, "Enjoy the ride honey. " 


She then turned to Joni and said, "Looks like your lucky night Sweety. " 


Her male companion snickered and said to her, "You're such a romantic Baby".  


"Yeah, I just love playing matchmaker", she said and then pushed Joni down onto me and placed the lid on the crate.


When the lid was in place Joni said to me, "Jim, they are going to kill us! I don't want to die this way. " 


I started to reassure her when we heard one of them say, "Don't worry; both of you did as you were told and we keep our word.   We wont kill you.   We just need time to get away once we get to the rendezvous point.   Once we are safely away, we will call the police and tell them where you are.   If we wanted to kill you, you would be dead already. "


After that they secured the lid to the crate with four screws.


The doors to the truck closed; the engine started and the truck started moving.  



Chapter Three - “Bumpy Roads Ahead”


It was warm but not stifling in the crate but we both started to sweat.  


"I don't think the are going to kill us.

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  " I said to Joni.  


She looked me in the eyes as if trying to decide whether I was lying and then said with the sound of relief in her voice, "Yeah, I think you are right. " 


"Are you terribly uncomfortable; do your knees hurt?" I asked her.  


"No, not at all" she replied, "the padding in the crate is actually quite soft. " 


Joni was still trying to use her knees to hold her pelvis away from mine but whenever the truck would hit a bump she would be thrown momentarily forward, causing her breast to rub against my chest, and then she would be thrown backward just enough for her pelvis to rub against the head of my recently awakened penis.  


As the ride became suddenly bumpy, I thought to myself, "Just our luck the truck these robbers chose to use is in dire need of new shocks. "


The contact of her pelvis rubbing on the head of my already agitated penis was begining to have its effect on me.  


I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what was happening while hoping my dick would go back to sleep.   Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell my prick and the truck to cooperate with me.


A few more bumps later and it was fully awake.  


"Is that?" Joni said to me.  


"Yes. " I answered embarrassed.


"Well, can't you do something about it?" she asked.  


"I am trying; but its pretty hard", I stopped, instantly realizing my poor choice of words.

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"I know that!" she said in retort.  


It was then that I realized it was now rubbing into the furrow of her warm pussy lips and they were definitely very wet.  


"That's not what I meant. " I said desperately.  


"Well", she continued, "Try to think about something else Jim. " 


"I am; but it's just not working.

    " I told her truthfully.   "Every time you move. . . it. . . it, well you know. " I tried to explain.

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    "Its not my fault!" She said defensively.  


    "I didn't mean it was; its just that when the truck bounces it makes you move and rub my. . . you know. " 


    Then a few seconds later I asked her, "Can you move at all?"


    "Not much with those damn blankets behind my ass!  She's got us packed in here tighter than a couple of sardines. " she said.


    Then it seemed that the truck turned onto a gravel road and things got worse because it was really bumpy.   I noticed now that her breathing had become slightly labored and she seemed to jump a little with each bump.   I guessed that her clit must have been rubbing on my fully erect shaft.


    In desperation she said to me, "Maybe if I can raise my ass a bit you might be able to put you thing under my belly, then I can drop my weight and the movement might stop. "


    "O. K. " I agreed, "Say when. "


    "On three," she said, "One, Two, Three.

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      " And with that, she tried to pull her pelvis up using her knees and I tried to pull back enough so that the head of my prick fall between us.


    It did not work out quite as we planned because at that very moment three unexpected things happened.   Firstly, the truck started down a steep incline throwing her forward more than either of us expected.   Secondly, her knees slipped from the sweat that had been accumulating on the padding from our bodies and her knees slid outward causing her to drop suddenly on to my pelvis.   And lastly, as I was trying to angle my prick upward between us, the truck started climbing again causing her to slide down my sweaty body burring my oncoming penis almost to the hilt into her pussy.  


    "OHHH NO", she said as I felt the firm grip of her now spasming pussy around my penis.


    Chapter Four - “The Joy Ride”


    We both lay there for a second neither of us knowing what to say.  


    Then I started to say, "I didn't mean for that to happen, really I. . . " 


    She cut me off saying, "Don't say anything! Don't move! And don't say anything!" And we just lay there in silence with my prick still buried in her.


    Then after what seemed like an eternity, she said, "Don't you move a bit, I am going to try and get this thing out of me. " and started to lift herself up onto her knees and attempted to slide forward.  


    But to our surprise, when all but the last inch of me was out of her the truck made a sudden sharp turn and her knees slipped and she fell flat upon me. Then there was a large bump and she was thrown hard backwards this time burring me in her to the hilt.

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        As the ride got very bumpy, I realized that we were driving down railroad tracks and she was being rocked on my prick.


    "OH MY GOD!" she cried suddenly and I knew that she was riding a wave of pleasure quickly towards of a glorious orgasm as the movements of her vibrating pussy on my enraged rod was doing the same to me.


    "OHHH NO!  I can't help it; it starting again!" she said; her eyes closed and a look of pure ecstasy on her face.   "Please", she begged, "Make it stop. " 


    But I could do nothing; for as out of control of her body as she was, so was I becoming.   And it would not stop until the ride to the sweetest of pleasures had driven us both to the brink and beyond the point of no return.


    As her body reached the peak of ultimate pleasure, she opened her eyes suddenly and with total surrender to her passion, placed her mouth on mine and kissed me as only a woman in rapture can kiss a man.  


    As I felt her body spasming uncontrollably on me she open her mouth wider to screamed a silent scream of ecstasy.   No longer able to control myself, I reached up to hold her tightly and as I thrust as deeply into her as I could, our tongues joined in a dance of passion while I filled her with the seed of our joining.


    We both rode the wave of orgasm until it began ever so slowly to subside.   My organ, however, did not go flaccid as her warm cum filled pussy was still vibrating and undulating on my penis for the truck was still rolling on the railroad tracks.  


    Our mouths parted and we looked deeply into each other's eyes as once again the waves began to slowly carry our coupled bodies to the highest state of physical ecstasy two people can share.  


    "ITS SO GOOD. "  Joni said to me, and without hesitation she openly embraced the oncoming tide and leaned forward onto me.   I kissed and devoured her neck passionately and begged her not to hate me.




    She pulled away to look at me and told me she would never hate me for giving her such pleasure and kissed me again.  


    From the passion of her kiss and the trembling of her body I could tell that she was as close as I was to cumming again.   The truck pulled off the tracks the exact moment the wave it us further intensifying our orgasms.  


    We lay there, both of us, still coming down from the crest as the truck came to a halt.


    Chapter Five - “Thirty Minutes To Kill”


    We heard the engine stop followed by the sounds of both doors opening.   There were the sounds and feelings of things being moved out of the truck.   Then came a female voice saying, "The police should find you in about thirty minutes. Hope you enjoyed the ride. "


    When the woman said that, Joni giggled as she was showering my neck with kisses.  


    Then we heard the sound of another vehicle being started followed by its pulling away.


    Joni looked at me and said, "What are we going to do for the next thirty minutes?"


    With my semi-flaccid penis still encased in her pussy, I looked her in the eyes and said, "I think we can come up with something. "


    She giggled once more and began rocking ever so slowly atop me.




    The next day, the newspapers would report two unidentified gunmen had robbed the museum: one man and one woman.   That several rare paintings valued at and undisclosed amount had been stolen by the thieves and that a man and a woman had been taken captive and later released without harm.   What the newspaper reports did not mention was that the police report filed by the officer at the scene stated that he had discovered the captive couple totally nude and for some unexplained reason tired, calm and quite happy.

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