The Apology


            Oh my… GOD. What is THAT Wes? Oh honey, oh honey I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have come in but I just I just wanted to talk and oh god and oh god is that a little boy and a woman having SEX? And it’s cartoons with such bulging features look at her breasts my god in his mouth that’s not real Wes my lord they’re cartoons they’re colorful and grotesque. What have you been thinking about sex oh no this isn’t real boys and women and her curves and the smile on her face and that penis the size of his head in her mouth oh I’m so sorry Wes please don’t look at me like that like I’m killing you I couldn’t bear it my son to see you hurt I’m so sorry I know I’ve just revealed you in a weak state honey no not weak but honest so horribly honest. Son my boy I’m so sorry I shouldn’t expose you like this here let me take that towel and first wipe your hands off of that cream I want you to be okay so give me the lotion and the towel and I’ll come back and we can talk oh my god does that say MOTHER FUCK ME? Wes what the hell am I supposed to think about that oh I didn’t mean to shout I know it’s just you and yourself and I didn’t want to reveal you like this but I wish you didn’t have to hide yourself god I’m trying but my son is so distant honey it’s okay it’s fine I always will love you and I love you best when you are not hiding yourself and yes I’m fine I can handle it no I can embrace it just one minute and I’ll be back just change those shorts please no it doesn’t matter you can keep them on I don’t care I’ll be right back honey sweetie it’s okay I’m sorry.

            Knock knock I’m coming in just to talk to you just to talk to you because mother and son can talk oh honey don’t cry. Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry I’m not mad of course I’m not mad and you should never be ashamed you should never be ashamed to be open with your mother. Sit up please or just turn over I can’t bear to have your face in the pillow I want my own son to be able to look at me Wes I’ll rub your back if that makes you feel better but then please turn over and look at me at least I’ll rub your back because that always used to make you feel better but when you’re ready I want to hear you talk to. I just want you to know that a mother is always there for her child and what the child does won’t ever matter because the mother will always be his mother and that won’t change I don’t think it’s a greater fear of a mother than to not know her own child. See I’m okay I’m fine with what just happened because I needed to see that although you didn’t want me to because maybe it’s childish not perverted no honey you’re not perverted but it’s just a escape for your inner infant my little child who has grown up too fast. Oh honey I’m sorry you’re so tense here’s another knot I’ll get it out you know I heard from a friend once or maybe it was a professor I think he said that the mother is always apologizing for some wrong deed she did to the child although neither are really aware of it it’s just that pure devotion and apology and forgiveness for everything that a mother owes her child I don’t know what but that’s what he said so it must be how males feel and I certainly can understand how a mother holds her child above her and is always less-deserving than the child no I’m not complaining I love you honey and you are definitely more deserving than me of love no don’t think of your father when I say that I don’t mean I’m helpless and unlovable I’m fine with myself but you honey are still so much more deserving of love and I’m sorry I’m really sorry that you haven’t found that at school. Of course I want you to fall in love but even I don’t know how to do that well and I can’t expect you at fourteen to find true honest love but I’m so sorry that you had to go to this colorful and grotesque and unreal website to reveal your inner infantile desire honey don’t worry I’ll massage your leg now. I was just thinking about the cartoon woman with her big lips and big eyes and big breasts and her hairless privates and how unreal that is but how real it is in the mind of a boy I mean I don’t mean to put you into a category son you’re unique but I can see that inner infantile desire below your personality that you cannot escape from no not escape really but maybe that desire helps shape your personality.

I was just thinking about the little cartoon boy and how helpless and how strange sex seemed to him but how he swore like it was an authentic and genuine emotion his desire that is not piggish like a perverted man but the genuine appreciation of new pleasure and love like only children can have. I’m sorry Wes I don’t want to scare you or make you feel uncomfortable don’t roll away from me please I couldn’t bear it I’ll just rub your back like you used to love after soccer practice and everything’s okay. I think it’s completely fine and human to have desire it’s more than fine if we didn’t have passion or love well I don’t know Wes nothing in this world would be good would it? It’s just Wes what I wish son is that you could express your passion and love and not observe it on a screen that you didn’t just have to see the imagination fulfilled or sensationalized but that you could communicate it and express that desire and passion. But I realize that most all of it is taboo and unspoken in society even between lovers we cannot express our desires even in what is supposed to be the most intimate relationship two people still cannot reveal themselves fully it’s a tragedy really I don’t know how we are able to get out of bed and live still keeping that part of ourselves in.

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   But then I found out today son that it really can hurt to reveal everything and feel ashamed and think you’ve been caught in the action of the worst possible kind and I never wanted to hurt you honey I’m really so sorry I should have knocked but now I know and you know and I want you to know that your mother isn’t mad, she’s really not she wants you to recognize your desires and not suppress them and please please don’t be ashamed please talk to me.

            See now that you’ve rolled over I can communicate better with you because I can see your eyes and you can see mine and we can see what we really mean and feel because words can’t really express everything. Here put your feet on my lap and I’ll massage them like after soccer practices and you just wanted to watch TV and I loved my little boy and I love you now and every part of you yes even these knobby little knees and all this hair on your thighs it’s not gross it’s just becoming a man I think. I remember my first boyfriend had hair on his privates lots of it and it was a little bit gross to me more strange I think but it smells like a man now that I think about it which is just fine just fine Wes. I could smell your semen too Wes yes it’s okay don’t look like that we can talk openly I’ve seen and smelled it all before yes I’ll tell you okay I’ve tasted it too and it’s just a part of the body my son it’s the carrier of life but it tastes like snot which is okay and it looks like it too but it’s all a part of the body I just wish it wasn’t in a towel honey I wish you didn’t have to hide it. Wes oh I’m so sorry are you hard again I’m so sorry oh no now I’ve made you ashamed again but I don’t want that no it’s fine to excited I suppose aroused maybe you’re a young man really and full of seed and I know boys can’t control it it really grows unwillingly and irritates them like mad I’m so sorry Wes I don’t want you to have to get out of bed and walk around all those pretty girls everyday with this hardness driving you mad and all that love and passion unfulfilled. Honey don’t hide it it’s fine I walked in and saw it in your hand and believe me it wasn’t the first erection I’d ever seen no no I’ve had boyfriends and yes yours is pretty dark but so are many and it’s fine don’t be ashamed. Don’t think about length either son that’s all a ruse and I don’t want you to hide anything. I guess I don’t want to hide anything either oh it really is hard to reveal yourself isn’t it I’ve been talking about you but never about me and I’ll admit it feel a little uncomfortable myself but I won’t be ashamed because you’re my son and I can say anything to you and you can say anything to me. Wes I’ve suppressed so many desires myself no I won’t be ashamed to tell them not after you have revealed this to me I don’t miss your father but I haven’t been really filled in so long yes I’ve masturbated myself is it such a hard word to say? I have dildoes and vibrators and no I don’t use the internet I try to use my own imagination but they’re toys Wes and I haven’t been held or really filled in so long.

Here Wes I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable you can roll back over I’ll rub your back some more just let me get some lotion and a towel and I’ll help you relax I know you must be so stressed right now. Yes the towel will go over your butt honey like a massage I took a class once or twice I know how to give good massages not like after soccer practices but just wait honey I’ll be back.

            Knock knock oh I’ll just come in we can be open with each other honey right honey you can take your underwear and socks off I have this towel I won’t look if I mustn’t embarrass you but you really shouldn’t be ashamed. Yes now I can relax you I even brought this relaxing music I hope it’s not cheesy but you need everything I can give to calm you down I can tell. Your mother does know what’s best for you sometimes and I’m sorry that I must have upset you earlier but I’ll make it up momma will help you calm down.

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   I’ll stop talking now and let you just listen to the music and let go of your thoughts.


            Honey I’ll take this towel off, is that okay?


            Doesn’t that feel so much better son, I can feel your whole body lose its tension that’s good I’m so proud of you. You can flip over now you can put the towel back on while I get more lotion we just ran out of this one.


            Hello? Yes look at this I found my rubbing oil I didn’t know I still had it’s really the best stuff for massages. Yes, relax, close your eyes. Mommy will take care of you.


            Oh honey you woke up I’m glad you were able to fall asleep I’m so glad you calmed down but you can keep relaxing and shut your eyes again. You’re okay.


            Shh shh shh Mommy knows what she’s doing she’s thought about it just relax Wes mommy knows her son has been hard for a very long time now and that’s not good for him so she’s going to relieve her son because we know each other’s desires and we’re open and I’ll relieve you and this oil will help shh shh shh Wes turn back over now you’re going to build too much blood up in your testicles and that will hurt and Mommy needs to relieve you. See that isn’t so bad, it’s just like the massage right? Just look into my eyes Wes and see me smile because it’s okay no don’t Wes I couldn’t bear it Wes it’s okay IT’S OKAY Wes I want to do this for you and don’t let me reveal myself like this and make me feel ashamed I couldn’t bear it you’re my son and you’re growing up and I need to fulfill your desire because I love you and the mother needs to do what the son needs. See I can relieve you in one hand and stroke that beautiful hair in the other you’re my son and I love you you’re beautiful and I see that, I feel it. Baby put your hands on Mommy’s breasts it’s okay Mommy’s sorry and she wants you to feel comforted like that oh put your hands under my shirt I’m not wearing a bra see feel them they’re there for you they were always yours even before you were born oh you like to play with my nipples with your fingers that’s cute you always nibbled on them oh Wes you don’t know what that feels like no I like it. Your hands are so cool and my nipples love it yes of course you can take my shirt off honey your penis feels so full I actually like it you might not think it but I feel like I’m nurturing my child. Oh son you know what I want suck on my nipples oh I’m so sorry son suck on my tits like a good boy yes like that oh have you done this before? Oh of course that sucking is the most natural instinct for a boy for a baby boy to do I remember how I fed you oh yes bite them son suck on Mommy’s nipples she’s feeding you Mommy was sorry about what she did and she needs to make up for it oh I can nestle your sweet head in my breasts like a mother would yes it’s so natural your face fits so perfectly here and your young penis fits so perfectly in my hands I can cradle your balls and scrotum too yes I can play with the hair its not weird to me I have hair on my privates too unlike that silly cartoon lady HAHAHA isn’t this so much better baby? Feel my curves with you mouth honey yes I want you to yes oh god yes oh god I’m so sorry baby I see what you really wanted why you were looking at that cartoon and my god I’m so sorry what am I doing and why haven’t I ever done it before? Lick them honey oh your tongue is so lovely on my breasts on my tits milk me like a good boy and like I’m milking you. Oh I can feel the ecstasy between us it’s so honest and it’s so good to not hide it any more yes put your hand on my pussy my sweet flower it’s so wet honey I want you honey Mommy wants you.

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   Oh I can feel that you’re so close yes I want you to cum it would look so beautiful on your pure white stomach but OH MY GOD keep doing that no Mommy doesn’t want that cum on your stomach she wants it in her oh I’m so sorry I shouldn’t do this I’ll slip these down to my thighs oh god I can’t be doing this you came out of here your penis is glistening and I’m so wet and so hungry and I OH GOD fill me Wes you’ve never done this before but you know you know you know you’ve always known it’s so natural OH FUCK ME ah just a few more and I’ll cum with you honey oh Mommy can hit your chest it’s okay I’m so sorry I just need to OH GOD YES YES it’s so good on top Mommy can show you slowly yes we’re in such perfect rhythm oh honey you can cum I can feel you’re almost there Mommy knows OH this is where you came from OHHH I’m cumming OH YESSS I CAN FEEL EVERYTHING AND ALL OF YOU AND YOU’RE FILLING ME.