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Rape Me

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2006-05-22

Lying in bed, I felt that something was wrong. Grant, my boyfriend was sleeping soundly beside me, but I could not settle. I felt something crawling between my legs, through the quilt cover and began to panic until I realised it was our kitten, Katie. Settling down with Katie curled up in my arms I tried to drift off. Suddenly Katie shot bolt upright, fur standing on end, hissing at the door. I tried to calm her down, knowing that she might wake Grant and he’d just come off night shifts. Katie pawed at me, and hissed at the door once more. Settling her down, I listened closely. Then I heard it. A soft tapping noise. It was too quiet to be coming from outside the room. Picking up the CS gas I kept by the bed, I left Katie in bed with Grant and crept down the stairs. In the soft glow from the porch light I could see someone fiddling with the door. I wasn’t too worried, as we always leave the key in lock, so if someone tries to break in, the key holds them off for a bit, and if there’s a fire, we can get out without panicking about where the key is. What did worry me though, is that we have a glass panel in our door. It’s double glazed but if someone wanted to, they could still break in.

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   I heard a creaking noise behind me on the stairs and I whirled round, spray at the ready. It was Katie, looking up at me, and mewling softly. Sighing, I picked her up and locked her in her bedroom- yes, our kitten has her own room. Well she’s our baby! I heard her jump onto her bed and settle down. In minutes I could hear her purring, a sure sign that she’s sleeping. I inched my way back down the stairs again. The tapping had stopped, but more worryingly I could hear a scratching now. I stepped down the last of the stairs and stood at the side of the door, spray can in one hand, front door key in the other. I released the chain, unlocked the door, yanked it open and sprayed the person standing the other side. It was only when I heard the words ‘you fucking mental bitch, what the fuck are you playing at?’ that I realised it was my friend, Mick.
Opening the door fully, I started apologising. Leading him in to the kitchen, I sat him down at the table, and got him water and a cloth to rinse his eyes and calm his throat.
‘What the fuck were you doing trying to get in here at this time of the night?’ I cried. Now that I saw he was ok, just a bit sniffy, I was pissed off.
‘I didn’t want to knock because I didn’t want to wake up Grant.

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   So I tried picking the lock’ he replied simply.
‘You fucking twat! What the fuck did you try and do that for? And what are you doing here in the first place?’
‘Well, I just fancied a chat is all’
‘A chat? Mick, sweetie, it’s 3 in the morning. What could you possibly want to chat about?’ I looked in his eyes; they were bloodshot as Hell. ‘You’re off your head again aren’t you? I thought you stopped taking smack? If I can do it anyone can. I told you that I’d help you come off it. For fuck sake Mick, you’re 46. Time to start acting like it’.
I stared at him, willing him to say something. When he did, it wasn’t what I was expecting.
‘Yea well, what the fuck would you know? You’re 18. You’ve got your life ahead of you. I haven’t got fuck all. ’ He stared down at his hands then looked up at me. ‘Please Jade, you have to help me. ’
‘Why can’t Emma do it? She got off it as well.

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   She could help you. I mean she’s your wife for fucks sake. She’ll definitely help you’
‘No she won’t’
‘Why not?’
‘We’re getting divorced’
‘Over what?’
‘That bird I was shagging. She found out, kicked me out and reckons she’s going to file for divorce’
I looked at him, and sat down next to him, helping him rinse out his eyes ‘That’s fucked up. You shagging around I mean, not her divorcing you. Why the fuck did you marry her if you still wanted to shag around?’
‘Well Mandy’s a good fuck. And Emma ain’t been putting out lately’ He winced as I accidentally poked him in the eye
‘Sorry’ I said softly. ‘And I’m sorry that your marriage is going tits up. You got anywhere to stay?’
‘No. No one will have me because of the drugs’
‘You can stay here but you have to try and get yourself clean. Tell you what. Have Katie’s room. It’s got a lock on it. She can sleep in the kitchen for a while, I’ll lock you in there and you can detox. I’ll help you’
‘What about Grant? Won’t he mind?’
‘Probably, but it’s my house, not his and you’re a mate.

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   You always help a mate right?’
He looked at me and smiled. Taking my hand in his, he kissed it softly. ‘I really appreciate this. It means a lot to me. I’ll find someway to pay you back’ He looked at me and winked.
‘Mick, I’m with Grant now. I don’t shag around any more. And it doesn’t work with you and me. We tried remember?’ I stood up and kissed the top of his head. ‘Wait here. I’ll go and sort out Katie, then put new bed sheets on. I’m sure you don’t want kitten hair everywhere!’
I went upstairs, shutting the front door as I passed it. Unlocking Katie’s room, I picked her up, took her ‘cat bed’ which she never uses downstairs, and plonked her in the kitchen. She looked at me lazily out of one eye before hissing softly to let me know she wasn’t happy at being thrown out of her room. I stroked her for a couple of minutes and soon she was fast asleep.

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   With Mick following me upstairs, I shut off all the lights, grabbing some clean sheets from the cupboard. As I started to strip the bed, I could feel Micks' hands on my ass. I pushed them away, time and again before getting fed up. I turned round and looked him, raising an eyebrow. He grinned at me before backing down.
‘Ok, ok, no touching. I get it’
‘Yea, and no doing anything else either before you think of it’ I warned him
‘I wouldn’t dream of doing anything!’
I pointed to the chair in the corner. ‘Sit. Good boy. Stay!’ I laughed softly and he smiled at me.
‘I miss you’
That threw me off completely ‘You what?’
‘I miss you. I miss being with you, chilling out together. Remember that time when we were at mine and you fell asleep on me?’
‘That was like 2 years ago sweetie. Time to move on. Forget the past.

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   I was 18 then and you were what? 44? Things change. I got my own place, a new boyfriend and I got clean. Ok, so you’re getting divorced and you’re still a raving smackhead but look at the things you got going for you. ’
‘Like what?’
‘Well, you got fair amount of money, decent car, you get laid pretty much when you want, you’re still good looking for your age. Work on it. Act on it!’
‘Yea I suppose so. But I haven’t got the one thing I want’
I dropped on the bed to put the pillowcases on ‘And what’s that then?’
‘Someone that understands me. I mean truly understands me. Someone like you’
I looked at him hard. He had a strange look in his eyes. I’d seen that look before. That was the look he usually got right before he hit someone. But he wouldn’t hit me would he? I’m 18 years old, I’m 5’4 and I’m practically anorexic. I couldn’t beat up a fly. He was 46, still nippy for his age, 6’5 and built like a brick shithouse.

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   I quickly shoved the cases on the pillows, shoved the quilt in the cover and went to leave. At the door I looked over at him ‘Night Mick. See you in the morning. Try and get a good nights sleep’
I’d just opened the door when I felt hands in my hair, tugging me backwards and then all of a sudden I was kissing him, pulling him into me, running my hands over his body. I quickly came to my senses and pushed him away, panting softly and looking at him accusingly.
‘Hey, you wanted it as much as I did babe. ’ He smiled at me and moved towards me. I backed away, my hands behind me, trying to feel for the door handle. I found it and pulled it open.
‘Goodnight Mick’ I said pointedly. He nodded. ‘Night sweetheart’.
I turned around and walked out of the room. Not a minute later I felt his arm around my neck, strangling me. I gurgled and fought to keep my balance.

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   He dragged me back into his room and clamped his other hand over my mouth.
‘Now, if you’re a good little girl, this won’t hurt and you’ll be ok. Piss me off and I can make it hurt a lot. You get me? Nod if you understand’ he shook me a bit. I tried to nod but I couldn’t move my head. I squeaked at him and he released my neck a bit.
‘Understand?’
I nodded. Yes, I do want to understand, no I don’t want to get hurt, yes I’ll be good. Well. That’s what he thinks. I’ve never been one to go without a fight. He let go of me and I opened my mouth to scream. I never even saw it coming. I felt his fist smack into my cheek and I fell sideways against the bed. He stood over me ‘I told you to behave’.

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   He kicked me in the side and I curled up in a ball, trying to breathe. I could see Mick pacing around, muttering to himself. I knew what smack did to people, Christ I was on it myself for 3 years, but I’ve never seen anyone like this before.
I started to pull myself up on the bed, inching up slowly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He did. Bang! Back down on the floor I went. I lay dazed, struggling for breath, seeing stars. After my vision had cleared, he was standing over me holding a knife waving it about. I caught my breath then relaxed. It was one of my kitchen knives. I knew for a fact they were blunt as fuck because I kept meaning to have them sharpened. I smiled to myself, and drawing in a deep breath I screamed out for Grant. Then I remembered. Whenever he comes off night shifts he takes sleeping pills to send him off, otherwise he’s awake all night. He’d be dead to the world now, and if I weren’t careful I’d be dead to.

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   He lashed out again, hitting me with the knife handle
‘Bitch,’ he hissed ‘Don’t you ever scream like that again or I’ll slit your fucking throat. Get me?’
I nodded, keeping quiet, swallowing the whimper that was trying to escape.
‘Get up’ He waved the knife in my direction. I pulled myself up and stood in front of him, looking at him defiantly. Curling and uncurling my hands into balls, I considered whether or not to throw a punch at him. Making a decision, I dropped into a fighting stance which years of martial arts had taught me. Quick as a flash, I threw a punch at him, hitting him square on the jaw. His head rocked to the side and he spat out a piece of bloody lip. When he turned to face me, I was ready for him. Throwing another punch I hit him in the eye and he reeled back. I followed it up with a roundhouse kick, then got a bit cocky. I spun round, ready for a spinning kick, but he was quicker than I was. Grabbing my leg, he wrenched it upward. My vision went red as I felt the pain. I screamed loudly, partly from the pain, partly to try and wake up Grant.

 

   Pulling my leg even higher, he yanked me forward into him. I could feel his heartbeat, and I knew he’d be able to feel mine pounding. I looked up at him and he glared at me with a smirk.
‘Won’t be trying that again in a hurry, will you?’ I shook my head, trying to get my leg free without it hurting too much. In the end I stood still, waiting for what he would do next.
I didn’t have to wait long. Letting go of my ankle, he picked my up by the waist and threw me against the wall, so I landed on the bed. I flexed my leg a bit, assessing the damage. Deciding I wasn’t strong enough to try kicking him again, I went for the punching option. Lashing out, he caught my wrist and twisted my arm, bending my in half.
‘You should learn by now. You might get a few hits in but you’ll always come off way worse than me sweetheart’
‘Don’t fucking call me that’ I gritted my teeth, wincing in pain as he twisted my arm even more.
‘I’ll call you whatever the fuck I like you stupid whore’ He snarled. He twisted my arm, harder this time and I heard an audible crack. Nausea welled up in my stomach and I had to stop myself from being sick.

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   He released my arm and my wrist hung at a funny angle. It’s one I’ve broken many times before, and he knew that it was weaker than my left. I cradled my wrist and looked up at him. Mick’s always been a sucker for the girlie crying routine so I thought it might be worth a shot. I let the tears start rolling down my face.
‘Why Mick, why? I’m trying to help you. I’m letting you stay in my house until you get back on your feet. I haven’t done anything to you except help you!’
He sat down beside me, pulling me close and stroking my hair.
‘I know baby, I know. But I wanna fuck, and you’re the only one available. I did tell you if you behaved you wouldn’t get hurt but you didn’t listen. I’m sorry babe, but if this is the way it has to be, then it’s the way it has to be. ’ He pushed me away and started pacing the room again. ‘If you’d just done what I told you then you wouldn’t have got hurt. I had to break your wrist.

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   You weren’t listening. You weren’t being a good girl. You were misbehaving. I had to punish you. I had no other choice. Are you going to be good now?’
I thought for a moment, then nodded and let the tears keep coming. He tried to soothe me, wiping away my tears, and for a moment, I saw a glimpse of the Mick I knew so well. Then, all of a sudden, he was kissing me, forcing me back onto the bed, tearing at my strap top, ripping it off me as I tried to fight him off with one hand. He grabbed my broken wrist and I screamed in pain, trying to get him off with my good hand. He slapped me hard round the face and I bit my lip, drawing blood. He leant forward and licked it off as I tried not to cry. Pulling down my shorts, he rammed a finger inside me, feeling me. Bringing his finger up to my lips, he forced it into my mouth and I could taste my juices. Unbelievably I was getting wet! I felt disgusted with myself and turned my head to the side, staring at the wall, trying to block out what was happening. Letting go of my wrist, he forced my head round so I was looking at him.

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‘Kiss me’ He breathed. I tried shaking my head, so he sighed and started working his tongue into my mouth ‘You want this as much as I do. I can feel it’. Oh God. So could I. My hips were thrusting up into his and I could feel my body getting hotter and hotter. I tried to control the heat rising, tried to control my thrusting hips. I managed to lie still, but that only gave him the opportunity to unzip his jeans and try to force his cock inside me. I squirmed around, keeping him from going in me for about 5 minutes until he punched me again, harder than before.
I must have passed out for a couple of minutes. When I came round, he’d forced his cock inside and was fucking me hard and fast. I could feel something running down my ass crack and I knew it wasn’t cum. It was blood. I started trying to fight back again, kicking my legs about and trying to push him off me with my good hand, but he was too strong. He kept fucking me harder and harder, pulling himself into me more with each thrust.

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   I screamed again and he put his hand over my mouth and nose so I couldn’t breathe. I struggled underneath him, trying to get myself free, scratching at him, raking his face with my nails, anything to get him to stop. He leaned his other arm across my neck, my vision started going black and I knew I was going to pass out again. I caught a look at him, and his eyes were manic, lust filled black dots. He was loving it.
I moaned softly and shook my head. I tried to sit up and realised he’d tied me to the bed so I was lying on my front. I moaned again as the rope tightened around my broken wrist sending shooting pains up my arm. I turned my head and looked at him sitting in the chair. He had a belt round his arm and was shooting up. He pulled the needle out of his arm and sank back as the heroin took effect. He looked at me with lazy, half-lidded eyes and smiled.
‘Feels good. Bet you haven’t had any for months’.
I shook my head ‘You know I’ve been clean nearly a year.

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  ’
‘Bet you’d like some now eh?’
‘Not really, no. I don’t want to get back into it. ’ I guessed he was going to give me some whether I wanted it or not. I was right. He stood up, swaying slightly and approached me, a needle in his hand. He’d obviously prepared it while I was out cold. He turned my arm over, causing the rope to rub. Wrapping the belt around it, he pulled it tight and injected me. I sighed as the old familiar feeling hit me. I felt like I was sinking into the bed. He sat down on the bed next to me.
‘You needed that didn’t you?’ I moaned softly, feeling it coursing through my veins, making me feel chilled out, yet totally alive. I let my eyes shut slightly and nodded. He stroked my hair, and I pushed my head more into his hand, enjoying the feeling. I love having my hair stroked, but the only time Grant does it is if I can’t get to sleep.

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‘You wanna fuck baby?’ he asked me quietly. I nodded, then shook my head. Yes, I do, but not with you. I want Grant. Where is he? I had all these thoughts running through my head, a jumbled up mess, all sliding into one another. Mmmm……sliding in, that’s what I wanted. No I didn’t. I didn’t want someone sliding in me. I wanted someone fucking me hard, making me feel it, and fucking me the way a man should, not like a boy does. I started grinding gently against the bed. He put his hand under my cunt and I began grinding harder on it, trying to get myself off. He took his hand away and I let out a little cry at being deprived. He positioned himself behind me and started rubbing his cockhead up and down my slit. I knew I was getting hotter, wetter. I could feel the fire rising up in my belly.

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   And then all of a sudden he was inside me and I was cumming hard and fierce. I bucked up and he fucked me harder and harder, ramming into me and pushing me forward with each thrust. I bit into the pillow and muffled my screams as I came again. Mick slowed his thrusting and started grinding against me, pushing himself in hard as he came. He collapsed on top of me, panting for breath. ‘That was great babe. You always were a good fuck’. He reached over my head and untied me. I moaned softly and slid off the bed, still high as a kite. He laughed softly at me, and picked up off the floor. Carrying me along the hallway, he dropped me outside my bedroom door. I half opened it; half fell into it and crawled into bed. Lying next to Grant, I rested my head on his shoulder until the world had stopped spinning. Leaning over to kiss him, I settled back down and tried to drop off.
.

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