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A Confession? Epilogue...

Fetish
2008-05-12

Topic: Epilogue        If you're looking for hot steamy sex, forget it. This is just to THANK two people who posted a comment told me I should go back and find her. One mentioned how the Internet is a big place, and that gave me an idea.         $49. 95 and 24 hours later I was looking at her Fathers address and phone number on my monitor. Yes I ran a paid search, couldn't find her, but I found her Father. I called him Saturday when my wife was at work. I confirmed that it was indeed Kelly's Father, my Kelly, who used to live by us, the one O wrote about. I told him I was and old freind from school and wanted to talk to her. He told me in no uncertain terms that she was hapily married and had 4 kids. My heart just about lept out of my chest! She did get married and had kids, four of them! I partially convinced him I wasn't trying to break up her marriage and gave him my number and asked him to pass it along to her. He agreed.         Four hours later my phone rang, I said hello, there was an unfamiliar female voice on the line, "Hello. " It's been almost 40 years, of course she'd sound different, but there was something about her voice. This was it it was her!        I froze, couldn't think of a thing to say as she asked, "Hello? Who is this?" I never imagined actually talking to her again. My throat tightened up, I couldn't speak, not that I had any idea what I was going to say anyhow.

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   The line went dead and I dropped to my knees.         Fuck! what a pussy I am! I finally found her, had her on the line, and I couldn't even speak to her, tell her how sorry I was.         I looked at my Cell Phone and went to recent calls, Her number was there, I still had it! I quickly saved it so I couldn't accidentally delete it. I thought about what I should say to her, I knew I'd probably forget as soon as she answered the phone so I decided to write it down. I couldn't think of a thing to say to her, then I remembered, I already wrote it down!        I sent a text message to her Read; A P L E A S E !        Yesterday, just before noon, I got a call, I answered it, she said, "Hello Jim. " It was her, and she'd obviously read my story, but I couldn't think of anything else to say so I asked, "You read it?" she replied, "Yes I did. It's not exactly the way I remembered it, but it's pretty darn close. " I asked, "How do you remember it?" She replied, "You made me sound like a sweet innocent little girl that you took advantage of. I was anything but innocent. I knew why you wanted me to go back to your clubhouse. At least I was hoping I knew, and you didn't disappoint me. " I replied, "But we were so young?" She said, "I didn't get it from magazines. I was always a light sleeper, my parents would wake me up, and I used to peek in on them. But that's not why I called Here it comes I thought, and blurted out, "I am so sorry!" After a brief pause she softly spoke, "I admit when it first happened, I cried for almost 24 hours straight. I stayed in bed for three days, told my parents I didn't feel good.

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   I didn't leave the house, except to go to school, for months. . . Geeze, not until it started gettin warmer again, like in May. " My eyes watered up, and I was dying inside as I listened to the pain I'd caused her, but I couldn't stop. She continued, "I hated your guts for years. " She paused again, it was an agonizing silence, then she told me, "Then I grew up and realized we were just stupid little kids, doing something we weren't suppose to be doing. I can't forgive you because there is nothing for me to forgive. " I cried, "But I gave you to Gregg!" she paused then said, "Yes I remember, and I remember your excitement that night. It's almost funny when I think about it now. If its any consolation, you were better than Gregg and bigger too. " I heard laughter in the background and a male voice. I asked, "Who's that?" She replied, "Allen, my husband. " I gasped, "He knows!" she replied, "To tell you the truth, after reading your story last night, I was crying. He wanted to know what was wrong, and I let him read the story.

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  " I sighed, "I bet he'd like to kick my ass. " she scoffed and repeated to her husband, "He thinks you want to kick his ass. " He called out, "For something you did back in the 70's, when you were just a kid. " He must've took the phone because his voice was clearer now, as he added, "If you had what I have today, you wouldn't share her with anybody, I know I won`t. " I could almost feel the love in his voice, he really loved her, and it made me feel really good that she found someone who loved her so much.         I heard the unmistakable sound of kissing and then she came back on the line. She confessed to me, "After we both read that story, we had the best sex we've had in a long time. We role played, he gave me a dollar. " She wistfully paused, then continued, "And I always wondered why you were so good. At first I just thought all men instictively knew how to satisfy a woman. I didn't have sex again until my Junior year and it was a huge disaapintment. As it turned out, there are very few men who are capable of satisfying a woman. My husband tried all of the stuff you described, and a few thing I still remember that you left out. I helped him get it right. It brought back memories, GOOD MEMORIES! I'm thinking about getting a subscription to Penthouse so he can start reading I felt a little confused, so I asked, "So why did it make you cry?" She replied, "I was crying because a sweet and wonderful guy has been suffering with guilt and shame for all these years!" I stammered, "But.

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  . " She cut me off and said, "What I remember about that summer was the wonderful time I spent doing things that we never should have been doing. You made my first time an unforgettable experience and for that, I will always be grateful. Thank you so much for that, and for all the wonderful memories of a simpler time in my life. I will never forget you Jim. . . And I'll never be able to thank you enough. " I asked, "But the last night?" She replied, "I've forgotten it, you should to. Whether you think you deserve it or not, I forgave you a long, long time ago, let it go. There is NO emotional scar, it's all healed now. " I had tears in my eyes I didn't know what to say. She continued, "I have a wonderful husband now, and I have three daughters and a son. You know what I hoped for each one of my daughters. I hoped they found someone just like you, for their first time.

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   And I hope my son grows up to be a man just like you. " She paused, then laughed a little bit as she said, "With three older sisters he certainly knows how to repect I couldn't believe what I was hearing, my head was spinning, I didn't know what to say. She quietly said, "I think the only one who needs to forgive you, is YOU. Let it go, let that emotional scar heal, please do that for me, will you?" I was all choked up as I said, "Thank you. I never ever dreamed you felt this way. " She replied, "No thank you, for all that you gave me. Promise me you are going to let this go. Not everything though. Just forget about that one small night, just remember all the fun we had that whole summer long. Those are some good memories, that I will cherish forever. I'd like it if you could do the same. " I said, "You know I think that guilt and shame I carried made me a better man, and a better father. It made me try harder. " She replied, "I bet you would have been a good man and a great father, even without it. " I told her, "I've carried it for so long, but I guess it's okay to let it go.

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  " She replied, "Please, if you cared anything about me, let it go, forget that one night, and remember all the good times we had. My life turned out fine. I have a great husband, four wonderful kids, a house, two cars, a boat, we even have a dog named Tully. (Don't I was still choked up as I told her, "I'm so glad I got to talk to you. " She said, "I'm so glad I got to talk to you, and let you know how I feel. I'm so sorry you've had to carry around all those emotions for all these years. Please promise me you'll let it go. " I told her, "I promise. " She added, "Cherish the memory of that summer we shared, I alway will. " I told her, "So will I. " Then I added, "Maybe you should tell our story in your own words, and post it. " She replied, "No, those are private, special, just for me. " I asked, "Are you sorry I posted it?" She said, "No of course not, I'm glad you did, otherwise I would have never known how you felt. " She paused very quitely said, "A part of me still loves you, and I always will. " I told her, "A part of me has always loved you and I always will.

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  " She replied, "I know. " and hung up the phone.         My emotions have been out of control all day. I can't even begin to explain how I feel. At work I told them I must be coming down with a cold, as my eye would start tearing up at various times, for no apparent reason. I told my wife the same thing. Who would have thought posting a story here would have had such a profound effect on my life. I'm still not over my initial shock, I've carried it for so long, now it's gone. I still think it was a positive force in my life, and even though I've let the guilt and shame, I won't forget the lessons it taught me. I'll still tray and be the best man, husband, and father I can be.         I know this isn't s sex story, but I had to post it. Thank you fireones, and a very special Thank you to to Jessie Noble, the Internet is indeed a huge place, it changed MY world. .

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